Heather

It was 1:15 am June 28, 2024 when I was awakened by my dog barking, it was then that I heard the knock at my door. I hurried into my pajama pants and raced to the living room throwing on the lights. The voice on the other side of the door said “this is Florida Highway Patrol” I opened the door to see a man in FHP uniform standing before me. He asked, “do you know Christopher Dixon?” Yes, he is my brother. The officer needed to make sure I was telling the true but with the urgency in my voice saying yes he was convinced he indeed was my brother. What he said next turned my world upside down, the words that haunt me. “He was struck by a vehicle” NOOOOOO I shouted!! I turned and there stood my son to hold me, my husband works nights and was not home. I let go and said, I told him to be careful! Those were my last words to my brother just 7 hours earlier. The officer said he was not able to get an answer when he went to my Mom’s so he went to the next house to try and find a family member. I had to call each of my siblings, there are 7 of us. I waited for my husband to hurry home from work and one of my sisters and brothers to arrive. Once they were at my house we went to Mom’s. Waking her up and telling her that he son was gone was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.

My brother had a troubled mind. We never knew who we would get, the normal Chris or the crazy minded one. I loved him with my whole heart no matter what. The Bible verse that helped me I actually found in a daily devotional book that was written for the day of his accident. God gave me those words so that I could better understand why He chose to take my brother. It helped me realize that God healed my brother from his demons and he no longer has to fight them. My family prayed for his healing but never dreamed it would be the way God chose. I have peace about that decision but my human brain says I want my brother here with me on this earth sick or not. I know for certain that Christopher is healed and is once again a happy healthy Man.

I was sick with grief, I hardly ate. I went to bed sad and woke up sad. I had a constant knot in my stomach. I felt guilty for eating. I felt guilty for laughing or even smiling. Most of the time the smile I wore was fake, it was pasted on. I thought I would never wear a real smile again. I cried a lot, I saw memories of my brother everywhere. I hurt so bad that it was hard to find words to pray but God heard my hurting heart and slowly with his help I climb out of the pit of daily sadness. It still hurts but not as bad. I still have triggers that cause me pain but I immediately turn my thoughts to God and he guides me through it.

For their first time in my life I saw a counselor, I made sure it was a Christian counselor. I was desperate for help. I had to find a way out of the darkness. She helped me through the guilt and sadness.

For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son. Colossians 1:13.

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” Jeremiah 17:14

I keep a journal and write down my feelings. I tell my brother things that have happened since he left this earth, it helps me feel close to him. I printed out the text message he sent me and keep it where I can see it everyday. I encourage you to embrace the happy memories of the loved ones you have lost, hold on to them, recreate them in your thoughts. This will help keep them alive in your heart and life.

-Heather’s Testimony