Forgiveness & Bitterness
Have you ever looked at a sponge and wondered how it works? The sponge is absorbent because it is porous. It comprises tiny, loose fibers spaced apart. These holes or crevices fill with whatever is being wiped off a surface, soaking up the dirty residue and hiding it deep within the nooks and crannies of the sponge.
It sounds like a good cleaning tool, but there is one drawback to its design. After rinsing the
sponge clean with water, some of the dirty liquid may remain hidden deep inside, where it is
damp and dark, an environment perfect for growing mold. Hidden in these crevices, the mold can multiply and thrive, unable to be rinsed completely away. The sponge can then become a
breeding ground for contamination and spread the spores of impurity to whatever surfaces it
encounters.
That’s a God lesson. Look at Ephesians.
Context: Paul wrote the book of Ephesians during his imprisonment in Rome. It is circular in
nature, as Paul wrote it to circulate among the churches as encouragement to the believers. In
Chapter 4, Paul changed his approach from the beginning of the book and began giving practical advice to the church—advice on how to live with other believers in Christ.
Ephesians 4:31 — Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with
every form of malice.
Get rid of. Put it away. Remove it from you. What does Paul say should be removed? There were six things he included, but let’s look at three that can pertain to unforgiveness:
Bitterness, which is anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly.
Wrath, or wanting retributory punishment for an offense.
And Malice, which is the attitude that leads to revenge.
These are the kinds of things that can breed deep within a heart that has been hurt. There are residual emotions a hurt leaves behind and can be hidden even after granting forgiveness. These emotions may lie dormant beneath the surface, causing one to believe they have disappeared, only to return when a trigger occurs. The trigger brings them to the surface, spreading impurity to the new environment and threatening the peace that has been re- established. Just like the sponge. It can come without warning.
Recently, I watched a TV show, and as the plot unfolded, the last scene hit a nerve. It was an
issue that happened long ago that I thought I had forgiven and had been healed. As I watched, the scene triggered something I didn’t know was still hiding deep within. Watching the TV screen, I wanted to scream at the injustice. I felt for the actress on the screen because it was as if my life was being played out before me. It brought back anger, which I didn’t know was still there.
I wanted retribution and revenge, but my dead husband, the one who had inflicted the pain,
wasn’t even around for me to lash out at. There was no possibility of ever hearing an apology,
and even though I thought I had forgiven, the hurt was hiding inside me, with nowhere to go. The anger was still there. But in Ephesians, God says that I have to get rid of the bitterness, hate, anger, malice, and revengeful thoughts that may remain after a hurt. But how?
Forgiveness is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Our obedience to forgive begins with the
act of speaking forgiveness over the offense. Use your words and speak them aloud. You may not mean the words you speak initially but speak them aloud. So, how many times do I have to forgive? Jesus gave us the answer in Matthew 18: 21 – 22:
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or
sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
If you look closely, that passage doesn’t say that the brother or sister sinned against Peter over
and over again—it says that we are to forgive over and over again. With me, sometimes it’s daily, sometimes it’s hourly.
As you step out into the obedience of speaking forgiveness for an offense done to you, God will
rush in and begin the process of healing the hurt. He will heal the hurt, anger, and bitterness that may hide and multiply deep inside. These emotions can become toxic to your growth and spread to other relationships and environments. They have the potential to multiply and contaminate your future.
Don’t let the enemy continue to beat you with the same offense – ruining your future as it did
your past. Much like what happens on a countertop that you thought had been wiped clean by the sponge you rinsed, the contamination embedded deep within may reappear and spread onto a new surface.
But this time, I’m asking God to use a paper towel—not giving room for bitterness, wrath, and
malice to hide and multiply. I’m speaking forgiveness and asking God to wipe it clean and throw it away, repeating it daily—fresh, clean, and, as Lamentations 3:22 tells us, new every morning.
God, give me strength.
