Healing from Trauma: Embracing the Wobble

It’s the wobble that gets me.

Have you ever watched a toddler take their first steps? Some steps are taken confidently -they are strong, steady, and decisive. They take step after step, grinning from ear to ear, because they are not only proud of themselves for trying and succeeding, but the success gives them an independence they’ve never had.

And then, without warning, the wobble occurs. The sure-footed child falls to the ground, losing confidence in their ability to do what they had set their mind to do. They may begin thinking that they aren’t as strong as they thought – maybe they aren’t ready for the independence they want so badly.

But seconds later, with some encouragement, they pull themselves up and continue trying.

That’s what healing from trauma is like.

It is much like a toddler learning to walk.

Healing from trauma doesn’t occur on a straight path with clear progress markers that are easily spotted and easy to predict. Your emotions aren’t clearly delineated and easily understood.

It is multifaceted and unique to each person, and if the trauma is consistent and lasts for an extended amount of time, it makes it even more difficult. It has been firmly established in your brain as the norm.

Some days are easy, and they build your confidence. You feel that maybe, just maybe, you have crossed the line and are on the downward slide to complete healing! The past is gone, and the change it created in you has settled into a norm you can live with.

But some days? It’s like you never left the trauma. Why? Because it changes your neurological system. The way you view yourself has changed. Memories cloud your perspective, and a trigger you don’t recognize has occurred and taken you back.

That makes you angry.

The change the trauma caused is rearing its ugly head. The memories have come to the forefront and cloud your every move. The smallest of things sends you swirling into anxiety or depression, and it makes no sense. You want to get over it so badly, and it makes you nauseous to think that you can’t shake events from the past.

You listen to the strong person inside you say, “I’m at peace and am strong and will never let anyone control me like that again.” And then something happens, and you cower with anxiety and anger. The voice of the weak one starts to taunt you, “See, you can’t do this; you’re not enough; just give in.” The emotional roller coaster drives you crazy, and those who watch it unfold are just as confused.

But God knows. He is the only one who was in the trial of Egypt with you. He knows things that you don’t even know. It is in those times that you:

separate yourself,
give yourself a bit of time to regroup,
distract yourself with activities that you love,
and stay in God’s word.

Tell God that you are struggling and give yourself grace. Ignore those around you who do not understand. Ignore the chatter.

Healing will come. Look back and see the healing markers that show your progress. Spend time with someone who will encourage you, and like the toddler who has wobbled a bit, pull yourself up and start again.

Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us that his mercies are new every morning, and his faithfulness is great. Every day is a new day.

Don’t give up — start again.